Should I get a divorce? If your marriage has reached the point of contemplating divorce, you’ve probably tried everything to save it.
No relationship is perfect. They all face rough patches over the years. Some could be due to internal disagreements, while some hardships are a result of external blows.
When you came together as a couple, you committed to always stand by each other’s sides. You made the ‘for better for worse’ vows. But you are not sure if you can do it anymore.
Things have been going bad. You feel emotionally drained, stressed, and like you are at the edge.
Should I get a divorce? That must be the first question running through your mind.
What about the many years of memories and investments? Are you ready to let all that go?
If you are wondering if divorce is a good move, we have over 13 things you need to do for clarity and, if it is something you are leaning towards, actions to take.
1. Do You Have a Valid Reason for Filing for Divorce?
Emotional stress puts you in a heightened state.
Last night, you had an intense argument with your spouse. You are angry and feeling irritable. At this point, a minor argument feels unsolvable, and you may end up making the wrong decisions based on your emotions.
It would help if you took your time to look at things from a sober and calm angle. Consider what your marriage has been like for the past few months before deciding if you are up for a divorce.
Ask yourself if whatever you are feeling towards your partner resulted from a one-time fault or something you have been feeling for a long time.
You can have a few bad months in marriage, but that does not sum up the entire existence of the relationship. If your issues are matters you can discuss and resolve, it would be best to wait for the two of you to calm down and discuss the way forward.
2. How to Decide to Divorce or Stay Married
If you are confused about your marriage and unsure if you should end it, invest some time to understand the signs that your marriage has hit rock bottom. It could be that you have grown apart from your partner. You are never on the same page and cannot go a day or two without serious arguments.
You feel that the marriage is toxic for the both of you, and nothing can take things back to how they were before.
3. Consult Your Loved Ones
Marriage is between two people. However, when divorce knocks, it would help if you consulted your close family or friends for advice.
Share the issues you have with your partner and let them share their thoughts. If most of them ask you to leave the marriage immediately, divorce might be a good call. On the other hand, if they feel you are overreacting, you may want to reconsider your decision.
4. Seek the Help of a Counselor
You have come a long way with your spouse. It would be such a waste if you let everything go in the drain without trying to save your marriage.
Don’t make hasty decisions without seeking assistance from an expert marriage counselor. If nothing changes after a few sessions, that could be one of the signs to get a divorce.
5. Focus on Your Actions Rather Than Your Spouse’s
While you cannot control your spouse’s actions, you are responsible for yours.
Most individuals start thinking of divorce when they feel that their partners are not who they want them to be. They fail to realize that they might be the problem in the relationship.
Consider if you are what the other party would wish you to be. If not, are you willing to change for the better, or would you rather leave?
6. Get Away With Your Partner
How do I know if I should get a divorce? This is one of the frequently asked questions by spouses who feel like they are drifting apart but doubt divorce is the solution.
Most of them claim they haven’t had intimate moments for a long time. They no longer spend time together and the spark is gone.
If this is your case, you should try a couple’s getaway. Be alone with your partner and try to rekindle the love.
You may be surprised to realize how much you actually love each other. By the time you get back home, you will most likely have changed your mind about the divorce.
Now that you have tried all solutions, weighed your situation, and established that divorce is the way forward, you must be willing to accept the situation.
It might take a while, but it is a crucial stage. Accept that it is normal to go your separate ways with someone you dearly loved. During this stage, contemplate and decide what is best for your family after this turnaround.
8. Should I Get a Legal Separation or Divorce?
After making up your mind that you want a divorce, you should be thinking of hiring a divorce lawyer for legal assistance.
Divorce law is complex and requires an expert’s perspective. The idea may sound expensive, but if you look at things with the right mindset, you’ll realize that you’ll save more by hiring an attorney than by navigating the process by yourself.
The lawyer understands the law better. They have the skills to help in gathering evidence and will speed up the divorce process. Conduct background research to ensure that you choose the most reliable and trustworthy attorney for your case.
9. Think About Your Kids
Divorce can be physically and emotionally draining. But it gets worse when kids are involved.
As a parent, you must think of what’s best for them. They will be more affected by the divorce, primarily if they are used to living with two loving parents.
Telling them that they now have to go live with one parent and have the other one as a visiting parent is confusing and can adversely affect them psychologically.
Therefore, take your time to develop a plan on how you will break the news to them and make them feel loved by their two parents, regardless of everything going on.
10. Decide if You Want to Stay or Leave
Unless your soon-to-be ex-partner is abusive, it is in your best interest to stay in your marital home until you finalize the divorce proceedings.
Leaving will adversely affect your interest in the property. For instance, if you have a mortgage, leaving will prompt your partner to pay for it. In return, this automatically makes them the rightful owner of the house.
Moreover, staying will give your kids more time to spend with both parents at once. You should therefore evaluate this decision thoroughly.
11. Put Your Finances in Order
Evaluate your financial situation before filing for a divorce. The divorce process is expensive, and life after divorce is more costly.
You need to pay your divorce attorney for legal presentation. You need money for upkeep, and you must ensure that you are financially protected once you go your separate ways.
Check if you have saved enough to take you through the demands. If you have a joint account with your spouse, look for a lawyer to help you get your share before the legal process begins.
Do not lash out to ask for a divorce if you have not figured out how to survive after. If you have kids, make sure you are well prepared. Otherwise, they might be forced to drop out of school, go without health insurance, or lack the basics, simply because you lashed out without thinking of their financial future.
12. Proof of Income
Gathering proof of income is much easier when you and your spouse are employed. You only need a copy of your recent payslips and income tax return.
If you are self-employed, you will need copies of your bank statements and business statements.
It is advisable to gather all these documents before filing for divorce or seeking the help of an attorney to avoid last-minute frustrations.
13. Gather Legal Questions
When should I get a divorce? Should I get a legal separation or divorce? These are a few of the critical questions to ask your attorney.
The expert will guide you on the way forward after weighing your situation. They will explain the differences between separation and divorce, and the pros and cons of each. With this, you can make a decision that favors your entire family.
Should I Get a Divorce?
If you are wondering, “should I get a divorce,” this guide has things to do before making the last call.
Divorce is a significant life decision. It will affect your life in so many ways that you cannot afford to make decisions that you will regret in the future.
Try out all the possible solutions before coming to this. Most importantly, seek the help of an attorney to represent you during legal proceedings for a fast and fair process.
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